More photoshop fun:

Another oldie and a goodie from Goat Riders...

Lineup Roulette:

With the season starting, the Cubs lineup - like usual - remains uncertain. Ideally, I think I would go with a lineup that looks a lot like this...

1. Ryan Theriot. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm crazy. But if Theriot can even get his batting average up to a measly .275-.280, then he'd have an OBP within the acceptable range for a leadoff guy, and he steals a lot of bases. Maybe it's beyond Theriot's ability to do this, but he's in the prime of his career, and if he'll ever be able to do it, it'll be in 2008.

2. Kosuke Fukudome. He's a perfect #2 guy. He walks a lot. He - theoretically - has the capability to hit a lot of doubles and even homeruns. He has speed and may be able to steal 15-20 bases. He makes a lot of contact and, theoretically, should get a lot of hits. Fukudome is an ideal #2 kind of hitter.

3. Derrek Lee. He'll probably never be 2005 MVLee again. That said, he just might still be capable of batting over .300 while hitting 40 or more doubles and knocking out 30 or more homeruns. With two good hitters in front of him, Lee could knock in a lot of runs in 2008.

4. Aramis Ramirez. He's the best pure power hitter on the team. He doesn't walk a lot, but he doesn't strike out a lot, either. Again, this lineup is so loaded that Ramirez could put up MVP caliber numbers.

5. Alfonso Soriano. To be honest, I'd like to see him higher up in the lineup. Hell, bat him cleanup and Ramirez 5th maybe. I dunno. But if he can accept a latter spot in the lineup, and if he can flourish there, then the Cubs might be scary-dangerous. Even if he trades spots with the little Fukker, the lineup will be strong.

6. Mark DeRosa. Not a bad #6 hitter. He could also bat #2 depending on the scenario. DeRosa puts up adequate numbers, and that isn't to be ignored.

7. Geo Soto. If he's not a bust, then Soto will be a solid addition to the lineup. A successful first full season could spell disaster for central division pitchers whenever they face the Cubs. But even if he falls a little flat, the Cubs will still be pretty strong offensively.

8. Felix Pie. Another guy who, if he isn't a bust, could make the Cubs scary good. Will that prove to be the case? Meh, probably not. But like Soto, if Pie can put up respectable numbers, then the Cubs will be truly dangerous and - dare I say it - murderous from top to bottom.

There are other ways to cut it, but this is an ideal lineup in my mind. Will Lou agree? I doubt it, and I won't hold it against him if he doesn't.

I hope everybody is having a happy Easter.

Not too much to note, but to point out a few numbers you may not be aware of...

1. Ryan Theriot has an awesome .362 batting average so far in Spring Training. Who thinks he'll carry it into the bitter cold of Chicago?

2. Derrek Lee - batting .173.

3. Pie is batting .300 ... Fukudome is struggling along at .224, and Soriano is at .277. Methinks that these numbers might look a little different come September.

4. Sam Fuld is trying to start the year in Iowa, although his .341 OBP compared with his .176 batting average makes him almost Ricky Henderson-like.

5. Rich Hill is trying really hard to be the odd man out of the rotation. Will he succeed?

6. Jason Marquis - 2.95 ERA in 5 Spring Training starts. Wake-up call received.

7. Go Cubs.

To have Wood, or not To Have Wood?

The baseball cynic in me is nervous about Kerry Wood. I can't help but remember the long, painful, torturous years of waiting for the next Kerry Wood injury. Seriously, I've gone to bed knowing that Wood was on the mound, and as a result I've slept shakily. I've suffered bizarre night terrors which involved the Cubs losing games by huge deficits. I've woken up at 2 in the morning with the compulsion to check the ticker in order to determine if Wood got hurt, or blasted, by the opposition.

Hell, I eventually came to feel the same way about that douchetart Mark Prior, but that's a different story.

Point is, Kerry Wood is a good guy. He's got great talent. But, unfortunately, when God built Kerry Wood, he substituted carbon with glass. Wood is about as fragile as a teenage girl's ego.

Now, how does that effect Wood's pursuit of the closer role? Well, to answer that, we need to consider several factors.

Factor the first: Does Wood, or does Wood not carry with him the deadliest mix of experience and stuff? (The answer is that he does. Marmol has better stuff but less experience. Howry has more experience, but worse stuff.)

Factor the second: If Wood is given this role, will Marmol and Howry not still both be on the team? After having been assigned as middle relievers and set-up men, will either or both suddenly lose the ability to close? If Wood gets hurt or proves unable to pitch, doesn't Piniella have the ability to turn to his other two closers-in-waiting? (The answer is that he can.)

Therefore, I think Wood should close. I don't know how it will turn out. There's always something wrong with the guy. But, is it the end of the world that he just suffered sex-stopping back spasms? Fuck no. He'll be back.

He always comes back.

As a baseball fan who follows a team with a tremendous base, I know just how hard it can be to get tickets to games. I also live pretty damned far away from Chicago, like a lot of Cub fans. It used to be that, back in the day, if you wanted to go to a game, you'd have one of two choices - call in to the box office repeatedly until you got through and were able to buy your tickets on the day of sale, or press your luck and try to get them on the day of the game. With the team as popular as it is, it's almost impossible now to do either. That is where the brokers step in. If you don't want to deal with unreliable scalpers on game-day, Ticket Solutions is an ideal choice for you.

They offer MLB baseball tickets not just to the Cubs, but to every other team in the game. Not to mention World Series tickets - obviously it's a little early to worry too much about it, but you should know that when October rolls around, Ticket Solutions has your back covered. For a Cubs fan like me, Ticket Solutions is an excellent choice to buy Cubs tickets even to sold-out games, and should the Cubs reach the NLCS, I'll go through them to buy my NLCS tickets as well. Lastly and most importantly, when Derrek, Alfonso, Aramis, Carlos, and Fukudome make the All Star Game, we will be able to buy All Star Game tickets from Ticket Solutions as well.

More Cubs coverage to come later today.

Do me in the #2 hole

I'm not sure if we have mentioned this in the past, but Lou Piniella is not Dusty Baker. Sure, they're both old, ex-ballplayers with a track record of managerial success in west coast ventures, sure, they've both managed super star Hall of Fame players, sure, they've both managed in the World Series, but unlike his idiotic colleague, Lou Piniella actually makes sensible adjustments to his team.

Take Kosuke Fukudome. We really have no idea how he'll perform in the States, although his probably a safe assumption that he'll put up some good numbers. But, will he hit 20 homers? It's unknown. Will he bat .300 and smack around a bunch of doubles and triples? That's more likely. For that reason alone, it probably makes not a whole ton of sense to insert the 'lil 'dome into the #3 spot of the lineup - a spot that is probably best filled by Derrek Lee.

Fukudome in the #2 hole makes a ton of sense. He's got some power. He's got some speed. He has tremendous plate discipline. Ryan Theriot, Lou's original choice, probably will never have a full-season OBP of .350. In fact, he's more likely to get on base only 33% of the time. For that reason alone, it doesn't make sense that Theriot should be the leadoff guy, and it apparently only took Lou Piniella about two weeks to figure that out. Well played, Lou. Well played.

At this stage, the only problem with the Cubs lineup is that there is no suitable #5 hitter to protect the best offensive third baseman in my lifetime as a Cubs fan, Aramis Ramirez. DeRosa is probably the best bet, right up until Geo Soto steps up and becomes a major league catcher. And if Soto never delivers, then look to Hendry to gather whatever talent he thinks he has in order to swing a trade for a big bat who plays in the middle of the infield.