Who's Your Ace?

This was a big topic of debate on the Score last night.



Your ace is Kerry Wood. Ok, let's face it. Mark Prior is a better pitcher - I don't think anyone's denying that. On any given day, Prior is more likely to pitch well. Prior brings the same game to the Pirates as he does to the Yankees, and that's what makes him the best pitcher in baseball. But Wood has something that Prior doesn't have - intensity. Maybe it's because Mark doesn't need to be intense to win, but if the Cubs are in a game seven, winner-take-all situation, I want Kerry Wood to be my starter. He tends to elevate himself - just look at how he's pitched when facing off against Randy Johnson or Roger Clemens.

In fact, as I mentioned in an earlier post, Damien Miller ranked Kerry Wood as having the best stuff he's ever caught. Not Mark Prior, not Randy Johnson or Curt Schilling, but Kerry Wood. Yes, it's true that Wood sometimes pitches poorly. But he's still the ace on probably 10 teams in the NL, and I think if any Cubs pitcher is going to throw a no-hitter, I'm betting on Wood before Prior or anyone else.



Having Wood as your #1 pitcher not only puts you on at least even ground with almost every team, but it essentially gives you the best #3 pitcher in baseball - maybe even the best #3 pitcher in baseball history unless the Red Sox decide to be wonky and stick Pedro there too.

Ultimately, while you could make an argument for Prior being the ace and opening day starter, I think Wood deserves it just as much and it makes the Cubs a deeper team. And let's not even talk about Zambrano as the #5 guy - that has to be far and away the strongest #5 pitcher in baseball.

More Good News

I should probably just add this to the post I made five minutes ago, but the Cubs have named Kerry Wood as the opening day starter, and Greg Maddux as the starter of the home opener. That in itself is just cool, plus it actually makes sense that Maddux would pitch between Wood and Prior. The Cubs have a lot of hard throwing righties, and in theory it might throw off opponents to mix in a soft tossing pitcher between them.

In other good news, the Cubs have announced signing new first baseman Derek Lee to a three year deal. There's no word on the details of the contract, but figure it to be somewhere in the 6-7 million a year range.

Over at "And Another Thing," Al Yellon has been complaining about the ticket sales method of MLB. I agree that it sucks to possibly spend an entire day trying to get tix with no gaurantee of success, but I also think it's justified. This is the price of rooting for a popular team and I'm comforted knowing that most everybody trying to get Cubs tickets goes through the same shit. A helpful hint from my own experiences: for some reason bleacher seats in early July tend to last longer than any other time of the season - so if you want to spend the 4th in Chicago chances are you'll be able to get tickets somewhere.

Of course I haven't actually looked to see if July tickets are available, but historically it's proven to be the case.

Damn what an exciting year to be a Cubs fan.

We've Got Wood

It's all over the news - Kerry Wood will be a Cub for at least the next three years. This makes Wood the highest paid Cubs pitcher in history. I'm biased but Wood is my favorite player, so I think this is a great deal. I'm a little fuzzy on how the math works out but Kerry will earn a base salary of $7 million this year, $8.5 million in 2005 and $11 million in 2006, with a $3 million bonus and a full no-trade clause. The Cubs hold an option on 2007 at $13.5 million, with a $3 million buyout. It would seem that his total, bonus included is only 29.5, but I suppose the 3 million buy out for the fourth season is how it equates to 32.5.

My brother called me to talk about it and said that Wood was worth more than that, which I guess is debatable but I've always felt it myself. It's very refreshing to see a pitcher of his caliber take a hometown discount to remain with the Cubs, and it's surely a sign that yes Cub fans, things are getting better in Chicago. One other thing he said was that he was listening to an interview with Damien Miller, who said that of all the great pitchers he's caught (Johnson, Schilling, Prior and Wood) none have better stuff than Wood. It's like what Ronnie Santo always says - Wood is like Sandy Koufax in that on any given day, he can totally shut down the opposition.

Incidentally, I'm curious about something. If Wood's 32.5 million is the most ever for a Cubs pitcher, would that make Maddux's 24 million the second most? If so, it's ironic in a way.

Another thought I want feedback on: after all these years I'm conditioned to expect the bottom to drop out as far as the Cubs go. So, while all these great things are happening there's still that little part of me that's worried that something will happen to put the Cubs back into the second tier, where they belong. Maybe that's why my links list includes a segment titled "things to do while waiting for a Cubs starter to blow out his arm in spring training."

Is anyone else waiting for the surprise uppercut?

Full Spring Swing

All the players have now reported for Spring Training, although as far as I know Manny Ramirez has yet to show up in the Red Sox camp. It would be interesting if his reaction toward getting put on waviers/traded was "fuck it, I'm not showing up at all this year."

The Sun-Times is reporting that the Cubs and Kerry Wood should come to an agreement on a long-term contract sometime before the end of the week. I say great. Ever since we lost Maddux the first time around I've been paranoid about the Cubs losing their good, young pitchers. It's worse that back in 98, players from the Braves were saying "that's fine, we'll just sign him when he becomes a free agent." But at least it makes me happy to know I can now add "the first time around" when it comes to referring to Maddux and the Cubs.

How much is Wood worth a year? I say 12 million. If Colon, Morris, and others are making that kind of money, I can't in my mind justify Wood making less than that.

I've read some speculation that Hendry might actually try to improve the team some more - with Clement, Cruz, and Guzman all capable of fitting a starter's slot, in theory one or two can be dealt. I'm thinking that Hendry feels extremely satisfied with the team he's built, and while I'm sure he would try to upgrade in June or July, I doubt he'll do much this spring but relax, enjoy the sun, and lock up Wood to that long term deal.

Sammy Steroid?




Maybe it's just the outfit he's wearing in the first picture.

Maybe it's because his arms are lifted in the second picture.

Maybe it's perspective. An optical illusion.

Maybe Sammy quit steroids this off season and has lost body mass in the process.

God damn he looks smaller. God damn.

Baseball's Gold Currency

As time goes on I find it harder and harder to criticise Jim Hendry. Before he was the GM, he built our farm system. Since he's assumed GM duties, he has either signed or traded for a lot of players that are going to make for Chicago's long-term core group. For the next 5-10 years, guys like Derek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Corey Patterson, Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, Carlos Zambrano, and perhaps to a lesser extent Kyle Farnsworth and LaTroy Hawkins are going to be the reasons the Cubs compete. (I question Hendry's abilities to pursue quality free agents, Maddux aside, but his trades have turned out Golden so far).

There are still holes to fill, but there are also players in the system. Angel Guzman, for example, has a ceiling perhaps as high up as Prior's. And while the Cubs are somewhat lacking in young, quality offensive players in their system, they have a brevy of pitching talent - baseball's gold currency. Probably every team in baseball feels like they could use more pitching, and some of those teams actually have players the Cubs could use. If Hendry ever decides to deal some of his pitching (like Clement and Cruz), I would suggest he looks exclusively at young catchers and middle infielders, no older than 25 who have impacted MLB already or could do so in 2004. It's important to get these guys cheap. I see no reason to go after a guy making 12 million a year. Hell I see no reason to go after a guy making SIX million a year... the Cubs have the arms to get solid young hitters. Let's hope they do so.

Let's compare

Here are the numbers of two pitchers after the All Stark break last season.

Pitcher #1: 15 GS, 92 IP, 9-3, 3.03 ERA, 11 BB, 48 K
Pitcher #2: 14 GS, 87 IP, 9-3, 4.24 ERA, 23 BB, 62 K

Both put up respectable numbers, but you should consider that #2 had an ERA nearly .60 points higher than before the break, while #1 had an ERA 1.60 points BETTER after the break. Or to put it in a more understandable and structured sentence, #1's Pre Break ERA was 4.63, his Post Break ERA was 3.03.

Pitcher #1 signed with the Cubs and will probably win his 300th game later this season.

Pitcher #2 signed with the Astros and already has 300 wins under his belt.

We've seen a fair amount of speculation and concern that Maddux, in the twilight of his career, could develop into a 11-14 4.65 ERA type of pitcher for the Cubs, while Clemens hasn't recieved as much concern from the same people. In my opinion how a pitcher finishes the year is more important than how he did all together - if he wins 20 but only 5 came after the break, maybe he isn't deserving of that huge contract just yet. But if he wins 15 and 10 of them were after the break, I'd expect bigger things the following season.

All I'm saying is, Maddux isn't ready for the fork just yet.

No More Winter (please)

Just how cold is it where I live? This is a picture my girlfriend took of me this past weekend.



I like winter. I'm one of those annoying guys who loves it when October rolls around and it gets cold out. I want it to snow. I just like cold air, I guess.

Then, February rolls around. The players report to Spring Training. I start to say "just one warm day this month and I'll be happy." Then when March comes I want at least a warm week. Then, there's no room for negotiation with April. But right now it's ungodly cold out there, and I have little hope for a 60 degree day. But spring is coming, and the Cubs will be there.

The Splendid Splitter?



I was over at Forklift's blog when I had a revelation. Greg Maddux is the Ted Williams of pitching. Williams was legendary for the amount of study he put into his craft - he was watching film just about as soon as film had been invented! He knew pitchers better than pitchers knew themselves, and because of it he was the greatest hitter who ever lived.

Maddux is another guy who studies his prey. He has, as Forklift put it, The Book. He's got video, he has notes, he probably even has notes about his notes. If all Maddux did was share those notes with Wood and Prior, he'd give them an advantage that they didn't have previously.

And really, I want to say this again. The moment Maddux retires, he should become our pitching coach. He seems like he was built for it.

Can't we all just get along?

Instead of talking about the Cubs today, I'd like to take a little time to talk about a fellow blogger known as the Uncouth Sloth. The Sloth is a very entertaining guy who, on his worst day, provides posts which are more insightful, amusing, and entertaining than anything I could ever write. He's also got a dirty, dirty mind - which contrary to the view of some, just makes him even better.

With the Sloth and his occasional filthiness, I'm going to look at it the same way that I look at the Janet Jackson tit flash. If it's the worst thing our children ever see, they're getting off light.

I won't say anything else about it except if you look to the right at the blog links, one prominent blog is now removed. His official stance on the Sloth may be "my blog is a family-oriented site," but I personally believe it's actually "professional jealousy." 'Nuff said.

What's Next?

I still think Maddux should be the #2 pitcher in the rotation not because he's superior to Wood or Prior but because that lines him up to start opening day at Wrigley Field. In the meantime, the Cubs are "suffering" an overflow of quality starting pitchers. Like the Sloth said, there are at least seven guys in the organization who could start at the major league level, and in my mind two of them should be on the trade block: Matt Clement and/or Juan Cruz.

I don't know if the Cubs could land a different/better starting catcher, shortstop, or second baseman in dealing Clement or Cruz, but if they could, they should.

I also disagree with the Sloth's assessment that Zambrano may fail or should be considered trade bait. I agree that he showed both a tremendous lack of maturity during the '03 post season as well as a tremendous lack of pitching skill, but I think that was more because he was just what, 21? And he threw many, many more innings in '03 than ever before. I think nothing short of an arm injury is going to keep him from improving.

2003 snuck up on us, as did 98, and 89, and 84. 2004 is different. We expect to win. It's strange seeing optimistic Cub fans. It's going to be beyond upsetting if the team fails to win.

Chicago Cubs Pitcher Greg Maddux

I just like the sound of that. I was thinking about Maddux a few days back when I came to realize that I see him differently than any other pitcher in the game. You've got Pedro and his arrogance. Johnson and his looming dominance. Clemens and his intimidation. And then there's Greg Maddux. He doesn't look arrogant, although he may walk with a bit of a strut. He doesn't loom - he's just this little white guy who looks like he could be your next door neighbor. And he certainly doesn't intimidate - there are guys in the 10th or 11th grades who throw harder fastballs. And yet Maddux was quite possibly better than any of those guys when he was at his peak in the mid 90's.

Greg is a special pitcher. He may be the best pitcher the Cubs have ever drafted. Now, he's going to retire a Cub. I can easily see him throwing into the third possible year of this contract, and I wouldn't be surprised if he had a year or two beyond that still in him.

Now I just wonder how he's going to feel coming home.

Steroids in Baseball



I'm not sure if the difference is palpable, but Flintstone should be contracting Sammy immediately to be their vitamins spokesman, if that's how he built his massive physique.

From the player's perspective, Steroids Make Sense. To the player, although there are health risks, injecting steroids could translate into maybe 10 more homeruns a year, 20 more points on the batting average, and most importantly an extra 10 million on your next contract. It goes beyond that, though. There's also the Ego-Gratifying part of it - let's say Sammy has done steroids, they are almost certainly the only reason he's going to make the Hall when he retires. And screw the health risks. Sammy has made huge bucks partly because of the steroids, and no one he knows or loves will ever have to worry about money again. His family is taken care of. So are his friends. Even to the scummiest athlete, I think that has to matter at least a little.

From the owner's perspective, Steroids Make Sense. Homers put butts in the seats. Sammy Sosa is a draw in the same way that Michael Jordan was, Babe Ruth was, and so on. Sammy Sosa hitting mammoth blasts 50 times a year is good for the game. It makes money, simple as that.

It is from the fan's perspective that Steroids Make Less Sense. We have this whole thing going about the sanctity of the game. It matters to us that Barry Bonds can be compared to Babe Ruth. If it turns out that the Babe's chemical of choice was whiskey, while Barry's is THG, to the purist that could ruin Barry's legacy and baseball's history.

Let's face facts. These guys are going to continue to break the rules whenever they can unless baseball gets hard on them. And I mean "banned for life for cheating" hard. Baseball won't do that, however. Baseball understands that stronger athletes means better competition which means more fan interest and therefore, more $$$. Most people who are seriously anti-steroid think that baseball's testing policy is a joke. Likewise the fact that some MLB people are so up in arms about it is kind of absurd - it's like the bible-thumping preacher who gives sermons about the evils of pornography, then is later picked up for attempted solicitation of a 12-year-old boy (yes folks, it's happened before). The government getting involved is the best thing that could've happened for purists and the worst thing for MLB. Even better yet? They subpoenaed MLB's records of which players failed the tests from last season - records that baseball had previously kept confidential.

Any takers on whether Sammy will be on that list? Incidentally, I think we should start referring to Sammy in the same way that Elvis fans do to the King. There's Young Elvis and Fat Elvis, and now we have evidence from the pictures above that there's Young Sammy and Fat (or Phat) Sammy.

PS Maybe I'm not the "right" kind of baseball fan, but I don't give a shit if Sammy does 'roids as long as he puts up good numbers. Similarly, I don't give a shit if he stopped as long as those numbers remain near the same level. But ultimately, until baseball genuinely starts to enforce their no-steroid policy, it's all just sound and fury.

The New York Yankees: Satan's Team

Now that Yankees GM Brian Cashman has acquired the greatest player in the game today (sorry Barry), his interests have shifted elsewhere and word is he's also after Greg Maddux. According to ESPN, New York's WABC-TV is claiming that Greg Maddux will sign with the New York Yankees sometime later this week while The Bergen Record, a New Jersey newspaper, has reported that the Yankees have made an offer that Maddux is considering. Cashman has denied interest.

So what does this mean, aside from how Cub fans are now climbing to the roofs to join Red Sox fans who have already begun jumping off them? Is Maddux going to retire a Yankee? Is the dream over? Eh, I think not.

In 1992 the Yankees tried to sign him and offered him 12 million more than the Braves, but he still went to Atlanta. Maddux doesn't like New York City, and he doesn't like the American League. So unless the Yankees have practically doubled the Cubs offer, I can't see Maddux going there. And it just doesn't make sense that they'd pay that much for him.

So, while the Yankees ARE Satan's team, I don't think it's something we have to worry about. I hope.

Don't Mess With the Sperminator



Forklift has a poll on his blog right now about which Cub will be the goat of '03. My vote goes to Alex "Bobble" Gonzalez, aka the Real Reason we lost the NLCS last year.

Farnsworth could also be considered, but I don't think he's hate worthy just because he chokes in literally every clutch situation. Besides, he'll never be hated by more than half the fans, as he has the Grace Bedell effect. Bedell, for those of you who don't know, was the 11-year-old girl who wrote to Abraham Lincoln during his first presidential campaign, imploring that he grow a beard to get America's women behind him (as a bearded man would apparently be more attractive to them). While the women couldn't vote, they could persuade their husbands to, and this may be a reason Lincoln won the election. To tie that back into Farnsworth, His Spermness is loved by the ladies, and always will be so long as he retains that rock-hard physique.

Besides, while many of us may hate Kyle Farnsworth, we will always respect him for the incident depicted above. The man is no Robin Ventura, let's just say that.

Spring Training starts in less than two days. While this is something to be excited about, I can't help but always feel a degree of worry every February. Five years ago during Spring Training, Kerry Wood blew out his arm. Since then I've always felt a vague paranoia about it, and I won't feel any real sense of comfort and excitement until probably a week or two before the season starts. Still, the '04 campaign is beginning and I feel good about the Cubs, even if Alex Gonzalez is a worthless shitbag who cost us the pennant.

The Evil Empire Just Got Eviler



Sooner or later - and sooner, I would think - the New York Yankees are going to collapse under their own weight. Eventually, it's going to happen. This year is as good a year as any, if only because their rotation is questionable at best - too many injury problems, for one thing.

The Yankees acquired Alex Rodriguez for Alfonso Soriano. They will only have to pay, on average, 16 million of A-Rod's salary each year, the Rangers will pick up the rest. Ultimately it's a great trade, but it's going to cost the Yanks a goddamn awful lot of money. They now probably fall back into Championship Favorites (trademarked and copywrited by George Steinbrenner), and for that reason alone, with the expectations so high, I expect a bit of floundering.

Seriously guys. Sooner or later, it's going to happen.

In the meantime, I've thought of the perfect way for the Red Sox to counter. They should trade Manny Ramirez to the Cubs for Sammy Sosa. I know, I know, the guy's a flake. He's also a young flake and as long as the Sox are willing to pick up some of the tab on his contract (not a whole lot, but enough) I say do it. Besides, I think it'd just be great if the Cubs had a guy who could be nicknamed "Man-Ram."

Man-Ram. Think about it.

Take off the names

I realize this isn't an issue, but it should be. I think the Cubs should go back to the classical nameless jersey style for the home uniforms. Not that there's anything wrong with being able to confirm that "Prior" is on the mound, I just think it looks classier with the number only.

Maybe we Cub fans should start a petition to get the jerseys back to the way they're supposed to be. Maybe a few thousand signitures would kick up a stink. OR we could just remind them of how legions of Cub fans from the last 10 years who've bought jerseys will have to buy new, nameless ones to keep current - so there's money to be made.

Does that make me old school? Because on the other hand, I think the blue alternative jerseys look awesome and I wish they were the full time road uniforms.

Nothing to See Here

A few years back I went to my first Buffalo Sabres game. While there I saw something that was, quite frankly, a little scary. It was the women, man. They all looked like refuges of the 80's. They had mullets. Bad 80's hair. It was frightening and sad, because clearly the 80's were the most recent good decade for Buffalo. (Side note: it's not as often with men, but it does seem that most women - especially the unhappy ones - wear the hairstyles of their youth well into middle age.)

These mullet-wearing women are excellent metaphors for Cubs fans. Some fans just can't get over the past. They so miss Billy Williams, Ernie Banks, and the great Cubs of their youth that they don't realize how good Ryne Sandberg, Mark Grace, Greg Maddux, Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, etc. have been since then.

I have two thoughts on this type of fan: 1) it's great to hear the stories about Cubs teams from before I was born, and 2) it's sad because the Cubs have achieved greater success since 1969 but this type of fan will never talk about it or think about it.

Oh, I guess I have a third thought, too. Since this type of fan is old they aren't very good with a computer, so it's great to see them try to type. One guy over at the Coven used to frequent the AOL board I ruined for everyone, and I swear to the sweet lord he typed like Boomhauer from the cartoon King of the Hill speaks. Furthermore I have a secret suspision that he in fact talks like that in real life.

Boomhauer: Yeah man, I tell ya what, man. That dang ol' Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An' lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It's real easy, man.

Ultimately, as I grow older I want to be able to appreciate each year's Cubs team as much as I did the teams of my youth. I want to be able to compare them without bias. At this point it's easy, because the '04 Cubs are the best in my life time.

All-time I think my favorite team is the 98 club for a few reasons. First, Wood was a rookie and threw that viscious, arm-destroying slurve. Second it was the year of the homerun chase. Third, it was the first time my favorite team competed well since I was 9. Fourth, every game was thrilling - even the wins were usually very close, hence the nickname "Cardiac Cubs." It was also my first year in which I got to go to Wrigley Field.

So yes, all told I have very fond memories of the 98 squad. But let's face it folks, '03 would've beaten them soundly in a seven game set, and '04 would've blown them out of the water.

I wonder what I'll think about the team in 2024?

February Blues



Living in Upstate New York, I am very used to the cold. In fact, I live about a mile north of one of the coldest places on the continental United States (because of a mixture of lake effect + rock type). I don't mind snow. I think snow can be incredibly beautiful. But when February comes around, I start to get sick of it. I bargain. I think "just one or two warm days in Feb..."

This is one of the coldest winters of my lifetime; a warm day seems an unlikely promise. So, while we wait for the world to thaw, let's remember that Spring Training comes soon, and with that the hope of warmer days. And yeah, I'm using the pic to torment you. Look at how warm and beautiful it looks at Wrigley in the picture. Now, look outside the window. Sucks, doesn't it?

Rape Wrigley

Wrigley Field is a Shrine of baseball. It's the Sisteen Chapel. It is - and likely always will be - the ideal ballpark that all new ballparks are compared to. It is the memory place - all Cub fans have warm memories of Wrigley Field dating back to their childhood. Long before I'd been there I'd dreamt of going, and I still remember the hundreds of games I saw on WGN which were played at Wrigley Field. There are many, many fans who would probably come to blows with anyone who dared say something insulting about the place. It is also, according to some fans, the crutch of the Cubs - carrying them in weak seasons but ultimately holding them back from winning the World Series.

How, you ask, could a beautiful ballpark like Wrigley Field prevent the Cubs from winning a championship? Too few seats, some might argue, thus prevening the Cubs from having the revenue necessary to put a winner on the field. Too many day games, others might say, what with city laws preventing the Cubs from playing more than 18 night games a year, thus wearing them down by season's end (exhaustion is possibly one of the prime reasons why the 69 Cubs faultered in the end).

I am about to utter a phrase that would warrant the scorn of thousands - if not millions of Cub fans throughout the world. So, this is your warning: if you are weak of heart; if you deemed the Janet tit-flash to be a supreme insult to your decency and morality, stop reading now.

. . .

Gone yet? Good. I say this: Fuck Wrigley Field. Fuck it in it's stupid ass. I love the park, I really do. I love the ivy walls. I love the closeness, the atmosphere, the neighborhood around it. But ultimately, Wrigley Field is akin to Paris Hilton: eye candy. Good looking, makes you feel better about yourself when you wake up next to in the morning eye candy, but ultimately meaningless. I would trade Wrigley Field for a Championship in half a heartbeat. Hell, I'd smash it down personally. I love the Cubs. I think Wrigley Field is beautiful. I want to win.

With that in mind, I don't think the Cubs need to get rid of Wrigley Field to win a championship. I also do not believe they should be handcuffed by history - if the team thinks they'd make more money/play better with 30 night games a year, that's fine with me. If they want to add 2,200 more seats, DO IT NOW. Do they want to advertise within the park? Eh, why not? And if the Cubs have the second smallest park in baseball, just charge more for tickets!

The good news is, the Cubs have recieved approval to add 200 more prime-location seats behind homeplate, and will phase in an additional 12 night games over the next four years. I am absolutely certain that there are fans out there who deem this a horrible act upon Wrigley. Well, the good news for them is they also make Wrigley Field jerseys, so since their favorite is clearly Wrigley Field, they can drop the pretense of being Cubs fans and just cheer on Wrigley.

I say it again. Fuck Wrigley Field if it is hurting the team. I don't think Wrigley has to hurt the Cubs chances. In fact, it shouldn't. 'Nuff said.

Finally Chiming In

It figures that I post pics on the site and the website hosting them crashes. If you haven't seen the pics of the toys, follow the link or scroll back down in a day or two. They're beautiful looking.

Since there isn't much to talk about Cub-wise, I figured I'd belatedly jump into the Janet talk. The reason for my entry in the bitching of Janet showing her breast is that some stupid lady is trying to sue Janet for causing mental anguish, or something equally as absurd.

See, if it were up to me, it wouldn't be a big deal if there were TWELVE dancers at next year's Super Bowl all wearing thongs and nipple caps. I mean, let's face it - if Janet's tit is the worst thing anyone ever sees or hears on TV, we're getting off pretty lucky. I wonder where the lawsuits are when you see real (and hollywood generated) footage of people getting shot and killed? That could be far more damaging to a small child, although again, I think all sorts of violence should be allowable too.

I think the biggest problem this country has is that we were created based on a lot of Puritanical values. Yes, that's right - the Puritans; aka the people they kicked out of Europe for being annoyingly religious. In Europe, a tit flash is no big deal. They have it on daytime TV. They have nude beaches. We couldn't handle that here in the States, and quite frankly it pisses me off to no end.

So, I say to you, big fucking deal about Janet Jackson. If we're good parents and raise our kids right, a nipple here and there will NOT tramatize them. And if we're BAD parents, well what do we care anyway?

And uh, CUBS RULE!!!! (to make this even partly about the Cubs)

Behold, and Let it Beckon You Like a Gleaming Baseball Soaring Through the Night Sky

Having studied P.K. Wrigley for some years now, I've come to figure out his fantastic strategy toward making the Cubs popular while putting out a less-than-quality product. Make the scene look pretty, and they will come. Who cares if the content is CRAP as long as Wrigley Field looks beautiful?

Well, since I'll never have one of those truly quality Must Read Blogs, I've had Carolyn spruce the design up for me a bit, so it at least looks less bland and ultimately, is very cool.

I've added some additional links over to the right, check them out. I especially recommend Fark. If you don't go there now, start. It's a silly place.

Also I'm going to start making use of pictures a bit more often. Enjoy!

McFarlane Toys

Not a whole lot to say about baseball. I desperately wish it was Spring Training already.

When I was a kid they used to have these Starting Lineup baseball figures. I still have some of my Andre Dawsons that I'd gotten from that period.

Well, a few years ago Todd McFarlane - creator of Spawn, owner of famous baseballs, defendant of the Tony Twist lawsuit, launched a new toyline for sports figures. The figures are amazing looking - they look like detailed miniature statues. Naturally, I have purchased two of the four Cub models - Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. The other two are Sammy Sosas.




Over the last month I bought Wood and Prior. I think they're fantastic looking, although from a certain angle Kerry Wood looks a lot like George W. Bush.

If you want to check out the detail of these items, here's a link to the Toy site. They've got probably two or three dozen baseball figures, and a whole bunch more for football, basketball, hockey, and all sorts of others.

"That's not a hobby, that's a fetish"

I work next door to a comic book shop. From time to time I see the cliched comic-book geek, the gamer geek, the whatever geek. They almost certainly have difficulty getting laid, and they spent tremendous amounts of time talking about their obsessions. It would be very easy to raise my nose to them and say "hah, you guys would have a better chance of getting struck by lightning repeatedly than you would of getting laid!" (Which, let's face it, is TRUE). After all, what chances with a girl do these poor sops have, as they spend hours each day talking about how cool Legolas is; why the Matrix is better (or worse) than Star Wars, why Star Trek is the best of all, whether it's better to go with a thief/mage or a pure fighter, the number of wins they had in the last Magic: The Gathering tournament, etc. etc. etc.

In case you haven't noticed, yes, I speak the language of Geek.

It's easy to be a snob toward these poor, lifeless bastards (lifeless not because they are dead, but because they just have NO life), but I also spend time "overhearring" other varients of Geek Talk, such as who has the best OPS on the team, why ballpark data shows that Wrigley is no longer a hitter's park, who hit .354 for what team in 1972, why Sammy Steroid prefers to keep extra needles with him at all times "just in case," etc. etc.

I would daresay we are as obsessed with baseball as those Gamer Geeks are obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons, or Magic: The Gathering. We are beyond treating baseball as a hobby - it is a life or death obsession, and every year with live a little with our team the Cubs, and die a lot when they fall short. I know more than one guy who, were the devil to appear before him and say "I will give you a Cubs World Championship, but the price is your firstborn child," would have to stop and at least THINK long and hard about it before saying "no." And I even know some who might say "yeah!" or "no, but you can have my thirdborn."

To quote Josh Lyman of West Wing fame, that's not a hobby, that's a fetish. And the reason I'm thinking about all that on this morning is because Spring Training starts in two (TWO!!) weeks, it is bitterly cold and snowy here, and I wish to God it was warm and damp outside, not because I would enjoy the pleasurable weather but because it would mean baseball is here.

I don't mind being a geek, and I guess there are worse things to be in the world than a Baseball one.

Maddux Gets Out

Maybe. I don't think it's as dire as everyone else does, but the LA Dodgers have made an offer to Greg Maddux. I haven't seen details on this offer, but the logistics of the Cubs offer is well known, so it's probably as good or better.

I don't think Maddux puts the team over the hump. What he does do is provide a tremendous amount of insurance. Maddux puts Cruz in the bullpen. If a player goes down with injury, Cruz will be ready and able to start. If Maddux doesn't sign and Cruz is a part of the rotation, the Cubs are going to have to turn to a guy in the system - Wellemeyer, Sergio, possibly Guzman once he's healthy and ready to go. I read over on the Cub Reporter that McPhail said that if Guzman had been healthy last year, the Cubs would've won the World Series.

Regardless, like football, baseball is a game of inches, a game of "ifs." If our pitching stays healthy, if our bats come alive, if Sammy stays potent at the plate, if the bullpen holds up, etc. etc. etc.

However, with all that Hendry has done, I think the Cubs ARE improved - drastically in a few cases - but so are the Astros. I think they will compete. I also think they will ultimately end up at 78-84, but I have good reasons for that.

Cubs to Maddux: Put Out or Get Out

(AP) - Chicago

Scott Boras has carved quite a name for himself on the tapestry of Major League Baseball, in part by demanding the most from teams in regards to signing top-notch clients like Greg Maddux and Ivan Rodriguez.

"I know dat dey is prime ho's," Boras said recently at Pimp Convention '04, which has been annually held on the last weekend of January in New York City ever since the free agent era of baseball began. "Pudge done good in the Series, and I kept sayin' damn, dat bitch gonna draw top dollah! But dose MLB punks, dey wanted Pudgie to spread dem ten million dollah legs for pennies, man, pennies!"

Now on tap is the immiment signing of future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux, but with questions as to his ability to pitch effectively at the age of 38 coupled with the high price Boras is demanding, the 288 game winner is still without a John. So far the only John to express any serious interest is Jim Hendry, General Manager of the Chicago Cubs.

"Oh God, seeing Maddux in a Cubs uniform would just make me wanna rub one out," Hendry said. "But shit man, I don't have the kind of money that Boras is asking for! And hey, let's face it Maddux is one craggy old ho! It don't matter how good he's been or the things he did for Atlanta, they say 'loose lips sink ships,' and uh, I just don't think he's got what it takes to uh, hold things together these days. ...if you get my meaning."

However, coming off the recent pimping of Ivan Rodriguez to the Detroit Tigers - a deal worth $40 million over 4 years - Boras is confident that he can land a John for Maddux at nearly as much money.

"I dun care about De-fuckin-troit! I dun care if they is infeseted with herpes, mono, syphillis, crabs, hepatitius A, C, and G, it don' matter to me if they is slimy and they look like they pecker is gonna rot off, hey man, even the infested should get to pay for a little play, you know? And shit, my bitch Pudge is a catcher. He's got protection, baby!"

Boras is optimistic that Maddux will soon find another John, in Chicago or elsewhere.

"Bitches and money baby, bitches and money!" Boras said.

"If that skank Greg Maddux can get it any better anywhere else, I'd be surprised." Hendry said. "So I'm giving them a week to decide. Put out or get out! I can get action from younger play if I want, like Juan Cruz. He's erratic but damn, he give it good at times. Damn good."

Boras and Maddux have until Friday to announce their intentions with Chicago.

Knock on wood (a poem)

Tie your shoes lying upside down,
Hear "holy cow!" and dance around,
Wear the same socks every damned day,
When they stink, that's the price you pay.
Wear your cap during every game,
When your family laughs don't feel lame.
Before every pitch knock on wood,
'Know their chances?' 'No' - but they could.
Don't drink beer before the game,
If they lose you won't be to blame.
Bring to the bleachers an old goat,
If you see Bartman punch his throat.
Go shirtless even when it's not warm.
Don't call out God in a thunderstorm,
Try not to be superstitious,
Yet a pennant would be delicious.